It's so weird how sometimes your life is reflected in your dreams. For example, a few days ago within 12 hours I received three really strange phone calls: one from an ex-boyfriend being surprisingly and even disturbingly nice right before I went to bed; another in the middle of the night from a guy who... well, I am having a hard time putting our relationship into words... one of those ongoing but absolutely not going anywhere kind of things; and then first thing in the morning (9am to be accurate, I don't think I've ever called one of my friends pre-noon for a non-emergent conversation...) from a guy "friend" who doesn't think that we should be "friends" anymore (I didn't protest). Anyway, that night in my dream all of my ex-boyfriends and ex-love interests, etc. were sitting lined up in the living room of my parents' house and I had to choose a husband from among them... I cried.
The next day I studied for my tax exam all day, committing excessive amounts of the Internal Revenue Code to memory. That night before I went to bed, like every night, I read some of a non-law related book. The book I am reading right now is about this affluent New England college in the 80's where all the kids do is a lot of drugs, drink excessively, and have lots of sex...I mean lots of sex, guys with guys, guys with girls, girls with girls... it's by the same guy who wrote American Psycho. In my dream that night, I was the personal accountant for the characters in the book, and I was trying to help them figure out their "sex deduction" on their income tax returns. Apparently, the deduction was a complicated formula taking into account how many people you've slept with as well as the pure number of times that you've had sex.
Maybe I am insane...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
“E-mail is for geeks and pedophiles”
This story was posted once before, but I took it down due to some of its other content - Enjoy!
There is a relatively unknown danger in emailing a girl – she might be like me and make a really bad mistake - one bad enough to scare any guy away from emailing a love interest ever again. There is a classmate of mine who is significantly too short for me, not very attractive, but nice enough. However, he has – no, had - this habit of asking me out and making me feel pretty damn uncomfortable about it. He's given me his phone number a couple times via email, but I have always rather politely declined any invitations to hang out outside of school. I am sitting at my desk at my summer job bored out of my mind and I get an email from him saying, “Fancy seein' you yesterday. We should grab a drink sometime” and then he gives me his phone number (again). Crazy part is I hadn’t seen the guy in months. So I thought it was funny/creepy and proceeded to forward the email to a couple of my friends, each got a good laugh out of it. Then I decide to send it to my cousin, figuring she'd find it funny too. I write a long email calling him a creep, a caveman, making fun of how he doesn't take hints, even quoting parts of my friends emails about him, and hit send. 10 minutes later I realized I replied to his email by mistake. So, I actually sent this kid an incredibly nasty email calling him a creep just because he asked me out for a drink. I do realize that I am going to hell, and if it has a V.I.P. section, there’s a seat saved for me there… Lessons: 1) Don’t send mean emails, but if you do always double check the To: line first. 2) Don’t ask a girl out over email that has already rejected you to your face; she will make fun of you, either to her friends or accidentally to your inbox.
There is a relatively unknown danger in emailing a girl – she might be like me and make a really bad mistake - one bad enough to scare any guy away from emailing a love interest ever again. There is a classmate of mine who is significantly too short for me, not very attractive, but nice enough. However, he has – no, had - this habit of asking me out and making me feel pretty damn uncomfortable about it. He's given me his phone number a couple times via email, but I have always rather politely declined any invitations to hang out outside of school. I am sitting at my desk at my summer job bored out of my mind and I get an email from him saying, “Fancy seein' you yesterday. We should grab a drink sometime” and then he gives me his phone number (again). Crazy part is I hadn’t seen the guy in months. So I thought it was funny/creepy and proceeded to forward the email to a couple of my friends, each got a good laugh out of it. Then I decide to send it to my cousin, figuring she'd find it funny too. I write a long email calling him a creep, a caveman, making fun of how he doesn't take hints, even quoting parts of my friends emails about him, and hit send. 10 minutes later I realized I replied to his email by mistake. So, I actually sent this kid an incredibly nasty email calling him a creep just because he asked me out for a drink. I do realize that I am going to hell, and if it has a V.I.P. section, there’s a seat saved for me there… Lessons: 1) Don’t send mean emails, but if you do always double check the To: line first. 2) Don’t ask a girl out over email that has already rejected you to your face; she will make fun of you, either to her friends or accidentally to your inbox.
Monday, April 02, 2007
April Fools
Since St. Patty's Day, I have been honoring my Irish ancestors most appropriately by frequenting some fine drinking establishments. I was, of course, ever ridiculous. This past weekend some guy with terrible skin and a height problem (translation: was a good 3 inches shorter than me) was buying my roommate and I drinks so we let him stand near us and talk for a few minutes. Then he made some snide remark about me being from Jersey. I responded by requiring that he pump his fist every time he said my name. I wouldn't respond unless his "Meg" corresponded with an over-enthusiastic and likely (for him) embarrassing fist pump. He obliged and looked ridiculous.
It also recently became known that (once upon a time) I might have made out with a guy whose nickname is Slice. And by became known I obviously mean that my roommate told everyone. My friends, of course, have been giving me such a hard time... joking about me getting sliced, etc. At the bar the other day, one of my friends ordered a plate of lemon and orange slices. Then said.. "Meg, it's ok.. sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never slice you." My response was "Wow, I am never drinking orange soda again." So everyone else feel free to make some Slice jokes... I'm hoping the joke will be killed by the end of the week.
It also recently became known that (once upon a time) I might have made out with a guy whose nickname is Slice. And by became known I obviously mean that my roommate told everyone. My friends, of course, have been giving me such a hard time... joking about me getting sliced, etc. At the bar the other day, one of my friends ordered a plate of lemon and orange slices. Then said.. "Meg, it's ok.. sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never slice you." My response was "Wow, I am never drinking orange soda again." So everyone else feel free to make some Slice jokes... I'm hoping the joke will be killed by the end of the week.
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