Good Luck, Coach

Tomorrow my little brother starts his coaching career at Burlington City High School. If you are from the area, you are probably laughing already - it's not exactly in the best of neighborhoods. I, however, am willing to provide you with a few more reasons to laugh when thinking of my dear, dear brother coaching basketball. Don't get me wrong, he's an awesome athlete and was torn between playing hoops or soccer in college before ultimately choosing soccer. As a certified physical education teacher, according to the books, he is more than qualified for the position. But, to those of us that know him well, this is going to be hysterical. My brother is smart but irresponsible. For example, he is a driver's ed. teacher but doesn't really obey too many traffic laws. This summer he got his ankle replaced with cadavor parts, so couldn't work soccer camps as he planned -- So instead of trying to get a desk job, he convinced my parents to get a plasma tv and digital cable and sat home all day watching movies from one of the thousand movie channels. He spent his entire savings at the bar with his friends, which he hobbled to on his crutches (and after a few drinks would start to play air guitar on them all too often.) Needless to say, this lifestyle didn't bode well for his athletic figure, and as my mom said, "no one is going to hire a fat gym teacher." Just last night, I had to take his whistle away from him at the bar before I left in fear that it would get him kicked out (as it has before) with no one there to drive his ass home.

Some reasons "Coach" is going to be amusing:

• His white-boy ghetto talk is only going to get worse.
• He is already practicing the head in the hand, head shaking "no" in disappointment thing.
  
• I have no idea how he will ever make a Saturday morning practice - I don't think he has seen a Saturday morning since he was in high school himself.
• His happy-hour routine with the teachers is going to have to take a back seat for a few months... or he'll have to start scheduling post-happy-hour practices
• None of his players are going to find his Caddyshack/Zoolander/Any number of drunk college kid movies sense of humor very funny.
• They also won't find his die-hard-can't-lose-ever-even-if-it-means-giving-up-your-first-born, attitude very funny either.
• The kid loves his whistle waaay too much (power trip, maybe?)