Sex Talk

I refuse to talk to my Mom about sex. Way too weird. She did give me a sex talk once though. I was in high school on the way home from getting my hair done for the prom. All she said was, “you know, a baby would really ruin your life”. Thanks for the insight Mom.

James Joyce

I tried reading Finnegan's Wake and ended up reading the first chapter 7 times, and still have no idea what it said. I don't like books that make me feel stupid and therefore, I don't like James Joyce anymore, even if he is Irish. I am Irish and I like being Irish. I don't even mind all the stereotypes about Irish people. Some of them are true, and regardless, I like people that like to have fun, so really the stereotypes aren't so bad. I am a little German too. I don't know much about German culture only that they make good beers and good cars. But they also made the Nazis, so I have mixed feelings about the little part of me that is German.

Dentist

I hate the dentist. Once when I was like 8 or 9 I accidentally swallowed the fluoride and threw up a lot. Then it was on my record till I was like 18, and they persisted to remind me every time I was there not to swallow the fluoride. I finally switched dentists. Then when I was in Africa I broke my tooth on a Jolly Rancher Lollipop and it was like a 10 day event involving a flight and a few bus rides to get it fixed. My dumb ass didn't think to have an American dentist check it out when I got back, and then a few days ago I am brushing my teeth and the piece they fixed just broke right off. (Go figure, the 1940's technology they used in Ghana didn't hold up). I have to see a different than my normal dentist in the practice on such short notice, and she has braces! I automatically distrust any dentist without PERFECT teeth. My brother tells me that she's had braces for at least 4 or 5 years now, emergency or not, I am never going to her again. By the way, I also don't like the orthodontist. I used to joke that I wanted to be one because it would be easy (it seems like the assistants do everything). My orthodontist wore a Rolex, and I always wanted to bite his finger when he was checking out my braces.